The internship review

Meh. That's the best way to describe The Internship.  It had the potential to be a brainy, clever comedy, but it wound up being just.... Meh.

Story

If you're one of the many victims of The Internship's vigorous marketing campaign, you're probably aware of the premise of this movie (and you've also probably seen that clip where Vince Vaughn says "On the line" a Bazillion times) but I'll go over it here anyway for all you rock-dwellers.  So Billy and Nick, seasoned watch salesmen, find out their company has gone bust, and in the process realise that they have the same amount of experience with technology as a cat.  Later on, Vince Vaughn manages to find them an application for an Internship at google.  Apparently wanting to jump in and work for a technology company before they learn to understand what "coding" is, the pair head off to California after being accepted for the job.  

The first thing I want to say about the story is that there was some lazy writing going on here.  A lot of the plot points don't even make sense.  For example, early on in the movie (this could be a spoiler, probably not) have an interview with the managers at Google to determine whether they are fit to compete for The Internship via Google Hangout (just one of the many great Google product placements that appear in this movie).  In the course of the interview, it is glaringly obvious that neither of the men have any experience nor skill when it comes to technology.  Even I would be able to see that.  Yet somehow, even though it's risky enough anyway, the two interviewers convince the other managers that they should let Billy and Nick compete in the job for the internship, in a less than minute long conversation.  It's this kind of "now come on" absurdity that pops up throughout the movie.  But I'm not done yet.

Let me get this out of the way.  This movie has a lot of Google product placement, which makes sense because the movie is about Google, and primarily funded by, you guessed it, Google.   

In the movies' Google Offices setting, their logo is EVERYWHERE.  It was on the coffee machines, on the laundry bags (Oh yeah, there's a Laundrette in the Google Offices apparently) and on one occasion, stapled on the side of a bus.  I get it movie, it's about google.  

Although the whole premise of the movie was "we're competing for the best job in the world," I wasn't too bothered by the product placement.  There was a lot of talk about all the different Google services, but I thought that was good.  We're familiar with things like Google Play and Translate, and it was cool to see them turn up in the movie.

Okay, here's my worst problem with the story:  It is the most cliche, predictable thing I have ever watched.  It literally follows a generic comedy movie template, with "Insert piano ballad here," and "Insert villain entry here" moments aplenty.  The painstakingly long film (It is waay too long) works towards a stupid final scene, with absolutely cringeworthy and predictable ending, and trust me when I say this: It is theeeeeeee WORST.  

Oh yeah, I was going to talk about the "Emotion" in this movie (I will be referring to it as "Emotion" for reasons I'm about to explain). Well, I think they call it "Emotion".  What it really is is a sulky piano melody playing while a character says something that sounds like it belongs in a bold font with a picture of some teenagers behind the quote.

Yeah, just like that.  I hate that.

Story- 3/10

Characters/Acting

Let me talk about Acting first, as I have much more to say about the characters.  Most of the cast are pretty tepid, but I suppose that could be down to the bad characters.  All I can say is that I found most of the acting to be pretty darn wooden, and in a few cases, especially scenes with the villain, who was played by Max Minghella, cringeworthy.  However, Vince Vaughn and Chris Owen were great in this movie, and they did make it a tad more enjoyable for me.  They had a lot of chemistry and portrayed their characters really well.  Whenever they had to do any "Emotion" though, it got cringy again.  Oh yeah, Will Ferell and Josh Gad were great in their brief cameos.  

The characters are much like the acting.  Everyone but Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson's characters were just bland and, again, clichè.  The competitors split up into groups to compete for the internship, and, of course, Billy and Nick end up with all the "quirky" ones.  This is where Vince Vaughn and Jared Stern (The writers) dipped into their book of quirky inner conflicts, and the main characters were born.  Except there isn't a wide range of these stereotypes.  We've got the smart-mouthed, phone toting kid who needs to learn to get off of the internet and learn to live, the charismatic girl who needs to gain confidence and learn to live, the Asian kid with a controlling mother who needs to, well, learn to live.  Toss in a few annoying managers with zero personality, a really annoying pothead, and you've got liftoff.  I almost laughed at all the scenes with the villain.  I expected the movie to pause on a close up of his face and for a voice to announce "Just so you know, this guy is a total jerk."  

I almost forgot Owen Wilson's love interest, who was completely insufferable.  She, in an original twist, needs to learn that work isn't everything, and, yup, to live.

Characters 2/10

Comedy

Okay, so the story is predictable, the characters are samey and annoying, but the movie at least has a few laughs, right? 

Nope.

When I first saw the trailer for this film, I was thinking it would be packed with lots of The Big Bang Theory style humour which only a select few would fully understand, but obviously they had to dumb it down in fear that they actually would be catering to a nichè.  So what we get is innuendo, toilet humour and fat jokes.  Example:  A big recurring joke in this movie is how much the villain abuses the morbidly obese member of his team.  Funny, right?

There are a few moments when you think you're going to get some clever humour, but then it just kind of fizzles.  Sometimes Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson's characters made me chuckle, mostly at their well delivered lines and totally ineptitude when it comes to anything on a computer.

Comedy- 4/10

Cinematography-

It's a comedy.  There's nothing special here.  I would give it a 1/10 or something but it doesn't seem like the kind of movie that needs to have good Cinematography, so I'm giving it an N/A

Cinematography- N/A

Le Verdict

Meh.  Stupid plot, predictable ending, insufferable and boring characters, some toilet humour and innuendo, and some good acting from Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson.  There were a few times when I was enjoying the movie, but that faded after a while.  I wouldn't say it's terrible, but I wouldn't say it's exactly good.  If you need to kill a few hours on a rainy day, give it a try.

The Internship- 5/10

picture credit- http://y-o-l-o-quotes.tumblr.com/

Let me pick up the pieces of my mind strewn across the floor and then i'll review Bishock Infinite.

Bioshock Infinite: Review

Wow.  Just wow.  I finished Bioshock Infinite about an hour ago, and it is seriously the best ending of a game in a long, long time.  The game itself is also one the best I've played in a long while.  This is definitely the best game of the year so far.  All of my worries about it being a flop were gone after the first hour of playing.  However, there was one or two things that could have been better in the game, however minor they were.  Now, I'm going to tell you about all the amazing (and not so amazing) things that make up Bishock Infinite.  Enjoy.

This is my first proper game review.  I did one or two a few years ago, but they were a paragraph long, so I don't think that counts.  Let me tell you how I'm going to do this.  The review will bPlot, Gameplay, Setting and Visuals.  I'll talk about each one and then give each one a score.  Then, at the end, I'll do an overall score for the game as well.  *Takes deep breath...* Here we go.
e broken up into sections:

Plot

The first two Bioshock games managed to deliver a brilliant plot, and Infinite follows in their footsteps.  The story will keep you completed compelled from the start to the finish.  It's riveting events and questions about the characters will make you want to sit there for the whole 10+ hours it takes to complete this game.  As for characters, there's Booker, the person you will be controlling, and Elizabeth, who you will definitely form a bond with throughout the game.  The character development is subtle and clever.  Bad guy wise, there is a host of the usual crazy antagonists that communicate with you almost exclusively through the various PA systems in Columbia.  And the ending.  Ohhh, the ending.  Let me tell you this about the ending: When the credits begin to roll, you will be more confused than you ever have in your life.  You will need to think about w
hat happened for it to make sense, or, like I did, go online for the answers.  But once you've got it sorted out, you will appreciate the ending more than you probably ever have before.  It's unexpected, emotional, and mind blowing.  But enough about the ending.

The premise goes like this:  Booker DeWitt, a war veteran who has worked up a hefty amount of debt, is offered a way to clear the slate clean:  Travel to the floating city of Columbia, and bring a girl named Elizabeth, a young woman with the amazing power to create tears in the world to other universes, back to New York.  However, some stuff goes down, and DeWitt is suddenly recognised as the "False Shepard" of Columbia.  Without giving too much away, Booker and Elizabeth end up fighting the endless forces of the "Prophet" Zachary Comstock, who is determined to stop him from "leading the lamb (Elizabeth) astray."  The only problem with the story, and the only real problem with the game, is that it goes on for too much longer than it should have gone on for.  There is a helluva lot of backtracking in this game.  Around the middle of the game, you will have to go through the same area 3 times.  The good news is that when you are moving back through these environments more enemies will appear to fight you.  Other than the padded out feeling of some parts of the story, the plot was perfect.

Plot- 9/10

Gameplay

After you play Bioshock Infinite, you will never, ever want to play through the more mundane shooters like call of duty or battlefield again.  The combat in this game hardly gets old.  If you've played the earlier Bioshock games, you know what you're in for with the combat.  Infinite takes the earlier games' combat systems, and, with a few small tweaks, makes them better.  The combat is fast, frantic and challenging.  With the usual wave of grunts (which can actually do damage) come special soldiers, such as the firemen, which makes your life harder by keeping a steady stream of fire grenades heading your way, the handyman, a big, strong robot man who is also quick and limber, and, in one level, the terrifying silent boys.  I'll let you find out who they are.

The guns in Bioshock are pretty much routine.  You have the good old pistol, the quick but weak machine gun, the sniper rifle the high powered hand cannon, the grenade launcher, and so on.  However, the guns feel really satisfying to use.  The shotgun blows enemies away when up close, whereas the sniper rifle can wipe heads clean off.

To help you along in combat are "Vigors," the new plasmids.  Compared to the first two games set of supernatural abilities, I definitely prefer Infinite's powers.  You'll get to play with Vigors like "Devil's kiss," which allows you to throw a "fiery grenade" at your enemies,  "Bucking Bronco", which sweeps any people in the radius of the power off of their feet and into the air, leaving them to flail around helplessly as you unload your bullets into them, and "Return to sender," where you form an absorbant shield in front of you, collecting all of your enemies bullets, before sending their ammunition right back in their face.  Those are just a few of my favorites.  These vigors really make the combat more interesting.  You can come up with some genius battle strategies using both the vigors and your guns.  For example, towards the end of the game, I developed a strategy which turned me into a swift killing machine.  Using the Shock Jockey vigor, which, when used, sends a stunning shockwave at your enemy, and the earlier mentioned bucking bronco vigor, I would run across the battlefield, suspending all grouped together enemies in the air and executing them with my shotgun.  I would then shock and stragglers and do the same.  There's a huge number of things like this to play around with in the game, and because of that they actually keep you engaged in the combat. 

However, one of the huge and extremely impressive features in Bioshock Infinite is Elizabeth.  For what might possibly be the first time in a game, ever, an NPC companion is actually useful.  Your plucky young companion helps you in combat with two things.  Here's the first:  When in combat, Elizabeth will be looking for supplies.  As you fight, she'll be finding health packs, salts (the new ADAM, which is used to power vigors) and ammunition.  It's extremely helpful when you notice your gun's ammo ticking down, and then suddenly, Elizabeth shouts out to you, telling you that she's found ammo.  Whenever she finds anything, she'll shout out to you that she's found something, and then an on screen prompt will appear.  Holding the action button will make Elizabeth throw her finds over to you.  The only thing that I didn't like about this was that Irrational had only pre-recorded a few lines of dialogue for Elizabeth to say when she makes a find.  It gets annoying to hear Elizabeth shouting "Here, use this for the bleeding!" Or "Salts, Booker!" 5 or more times a battle.  But that really didn't detract from the atmosphere.  The second thing that Elizabeth does in combat is uses her supernatural abilities to aid you.  Strewn out across every battlefield are tears containing equipment or other things which may be of use to you.  Of course, Elizabeth can open the tears for you, giving you access to the things inside it.  You can tell her to open a tear with medical equipment in, and then heal yourself, or bring a piece of cover into play.  There's loads of different things that you can basically summon, and it's really fun to suddenly bring objects into the world to get the jump on your enemies.

There's a variety of vending machines strewn out across the city of columbia as well.  There's one for general supplies, like health and salt kits, and ammo, one for weapons upgrades, and one for vigor upgrades, which are a good way to stock up after a long battle, or prepare for a big one. 

I just have tiny complaint about the gameplay: You can't store health kits or salts.  This really sucks because you might have a full health and salts bar and then come across a stash of kits for both of them.  There's no way of taking them to use later.  These kits will do their thing as soon as you pick them up.  That's basically the only complaint I have about gameplay.

With all these seemingly powerful abilities that you can use with a click of a finger in Bioshock, you would think that the combat would be a cakewalk.  Surprisingly, the game still offers a challenge while using all of these things.  I played through it on the medium difficulty, and found it a good challenge at times.  The gameplay and combat in Bioshock Infinite is different and satisfying- It's perfect.

Gameplay- 10/10

Setting

The city of Columbia is breathtaking.  When I started this game, I'd seen quite a few gameplay trailers, And I knew what Columbia was going to be like, but when I stepped out into the city at the start of the game, I was still blown away.  It really is something you have to see for yourself.  The first twenty minutes of the game has you walking along the streets of the upper district of Columbia, and I really wanted to spend hours just exploring every inch of the city.  There was so much detail, from the people gossiping on the benches, to the vigor salesman presentations that the citizens gather around.  I watched in awe as the houses and streets floated by up-style, connecting to each other before flying off again.  As well as the early 1900's theme to it, with old posters and finely dressed people all around, there's a huge steampunk element to the game, and being a huge fan of steampunk, I loved it.  Through the course of the game you are taken to all the different districts of the city.  I was surprised by the variety, as well.  I was expecting most of the game to be set in the kind of area that I described above, but towards the middle of the game, you take a journey to the slums of Columbia.  There, it's like a completely different place.

I would have given the setting category a ten out of ten, but it's the backtracking that cost it it's extra point. 

Setting- 9/10

Visuals

There's two parts of the visuals category: The graphical side and the art style side.  I'll do the graphics first.

I'm don't know much about graphics settings, but I can tell you that Bioshock is definitely up to scratch.  I was very impressed with the crisp graphics, eso  I've heard that it looks (and runs) better on the PC.  I have only played it on the afformentioned platform, so I don't know what it's like on Xbox and PS3.  Apparently it's not so great, so I'f you've got the specs, play it on your computer.  As for the art style, the usual chunky (as I like to describe them) visuals are back.  I've always got a strong sense of steampunk from the art style of the Bioshock games, with it's chunky guns and whatnot, and that's something I love.

Visuals- 9/10

The Verdict

I was thinking about giving Bioshock: Infinite a 9/10, mainly because of the backtracking and, as IGN described it, "Padded out" middle act, but it just wasn't possible.  The game did so many things right, and because of them, it's impossible not to overlook that tiny little complaint.  Excellent, breaktaking setting.  Compelling, profound and original story.  Satisfying gameplay.  Impressive graphical quality and unique art style.  Bioshock has all these things, but the best part is definitely the story.  It's a masterful work of fiction, that is extremely thought-provoking and jaw dropping.

Bioshock Infinite- 10/10

Games I can't wait to play- part 1

So far this year, I don't think i've found much joy in any of the new releases.  That may be because I haven't bought many of them, but that's mainly because the things I've heard about them puts me off.  SimCity was pretty good, but I got quite bored of it after a weekend of playing it.  Crysis 3 was... meh, and I haven't even bothered to shell out for Tomb Raider after hearing it was a bit of a Mashy-button, hold this to climb kind of game.  I've got a lot of hope for Bioshock infinite, which I've been waiting patiently for with everyone else.  I'll be getting that on friday, so expect a review soon after that.

There's still a lot of games coming out later this year that I can't wait for, though, and in no particular order, here they are.

1: The Elder Scrolls Online

When this game comes out, or i'm accepted into the beta, you will find me out on the streets waving a foam sword while belting out the Dovakiin song as loudly as I can.  Although it pains me to say it, i'm one of those people who have only really played skyrim out of all the elder scrolls games.  I have oblivion and morrowind, and have started playing them on numerous occasions, but I can never get into them.  However, that doesn't affect the fact that I squeal whenever seeing gameplay of the elder scrolls online.  I've grown to love the continent of Tamriel, and the thought of being able to travel through it as a huge MMO world entices me.  I love the more gameplay orientated approach to the MMO genre that zenimax are taking, and the Guild vs Guild combat, although not completely original, looks especially exciting.  However, good old Zenimax have made some big promises about the game (Having the whole game run on one huge server sounds great, but extremely problematic) and I'm hoping that they deliver those promises instead of pulling a WarZ.  If not, then they will have some seriously angry fans to deal with.

2: State Of Decay

This is the kind of game that, deep down, I have always wanted.  A zombie survival game where you create a base, recruit survivors, send those survivors out to get resources, get them killed, get more survivors.  At least that's how I think it's going to go.  This game reminds me of last year's excellent XCOM: enemy unknown.  I have a feeling i'm going to be forging a bond with my survivors as I send them out to find things so that my team can thrive in the apocalypse.  Then, when my tiny civilisation hits a bump and things go downhill, i'll probably end up doing what I always do in strategy games such as XCOM.  Spiral into deep depression, decide i'm never going to play the game again, and then crawl back to it three minutes later.  There's probably something wrong with me for thinking this, but that sounds like the perfect game.

3: Rome: Total War

One of my favorite parts of the total war series is zooming in on my tiny virtual soldiers and watching them fight it out with the opposition.  I spend most of my time giving them names and imagining them in awesome cinematic set pieces.  The other thing that I love is the enormity of the games.  Seeing dozens of units sprawled out across the battlefield fills me with a kind of warmth that I can't describe.  I've heard that Rome: total war is going to do both of these things better than ever before in the series.  You can control over forty units in battle, and have both sea and land units in one battle.  You can zoom in onto your units and and get a close up view of all of your soldiers, and their animations are going to even more realistic.  Every single soldier is supposed to be an an individual person instead of being the same guy cloned 100 times.  I know that all this stuff may not be as great as it's been cracked up to be, but when it comes to total war, creative assembly rarely disappoints.

4: Beyond: Two Souls 

Only after christmas did I finally play Heavy Rain.  I've heard about how great it was, and seen people on the interwebs talking about some of it's famous (and infamous) scenes.  Having played the walking dead last year (More on that later) I was no longer a stranger to the quick decisions I had to make.  I knew what I was in for.  And yet I was still blown away.  When my characters faced danger, I truly panicked, because I knew that if they died, that'd be it.  I was obsessed about the way my story was going, and I would end up shouting at the screen on many occasions.  After I finished Heavy Rain, my excitement for Beyond: Two souls instantly grew.  Although many more game developers are beginning to copy the "Heavy rain" kind of formula into their games, There is a painfully small amount of games that offer the same type of story immersion and character development similar to that of Heavy Rain or The Walking dead.  And that annoys me, because I can't get enough of this.  It's a truly unforgettable gaming experience and it always leaves me wanting more.  That's why I
can't wait to play Beyond: Two souls.  From what I've seen, it offers another Heavy Rain-esque exhilarating and emotional story, with some more interesting gameplay elements thrown into the mix, what with the spirits and stuff.  I can't wait to jump into Beyond: Two souls and roll around in it's characters, story and Ellen Pagey-ness.

5: Arma III

Ok, I have to admit.  I could probably wait to play this game.  From the Alpha version of Arma that i've played for a bit, it seems a bit like more of the same from Arma 2.  That isn't necessarily bad, but I was sort of hoping for some new stuff in the game.  There is the diving mode, which is pretty fun, but i'm not sure if that will be enough to make me spend another 40 pounds on Arma 3.  However, it is only in alpha, and it's still very fun.  I look forward to seeing how this game is going to evolve before it's release.  I'm a huge Arma II fan, so that reason alone will probably convince me to buying the game when it's released.

6: Company Of Heroes 2

I don't know why I loved the original company of heroes.  There's a certain feeling that you get from playing a strategy game that is hard to describe.  When a tank that you've been producing finally pops out of that garage, a warm glow spreads through you, and you watch gleefully as you send it out to make everyone die.  When you finally take that base you've been fighting over vigorously for the last twenty minutes, you get that same glow.  I think that it's the feeling of leading an army to glory, using your own tactics to dominate the battlefield.  Company of heroes captured that in a great way, as you tailored your units to fit the needs of the battle, and then carefully executed your tactics, telling your squads to dash from cover to cover and hoping that they make it without getting shot (they usually did when I was playing) calling in your paratroopers to wipe the smug virtual smile from your enemy's face as they flank the opposing units.  I hope that I get that same feeling from company of heroes 2.  I was a little worried for the sereis when I heard the shocking news that THQ had gone bankrupt, but, luckily, Relic (Developer of the company of heroes and Warhammer 40K series) is soon to be in the safe hands of retro console making, creative assembly owning Sega.

7: The DayZ game

I have heard next to nothing about the standalone game for the excellent Arma 2 mod, DayZ, but it's bound to be amazing.  All they really need to do is polish off the DayZ mod and stick a price tag
on it, and it will still be great.  But I do know that they'll be cranking up the realism, adding in diseases such as Cholera, and also encouraging players to check their symptoms and diagnose themselves.
My very few hours commando crawling around a zombie (And bandit) infested Chernarus were terrifying and exhilarating, and if it was more accesible, and, like I said, a bit more polished, I would probably spend most of my gaming hours sneaking around in villages looking for baked beans with my friends.

8: The Walking Dead Season 2

Telltale's The walking dead episodic game series is possibly one of the greatest games I have ever played.  I read six volumes of the comic, and have yet to have tried the TV series, but I feel so much more emotionally invested to the characters in the game after 5 episodes than the characters in the comic after 6 episodes.  I loved building relationships with the characters in the game.  When it came up "So and so will remember that" you don't usually expect these things to ever pay off, but by the end of the first series, almost everything memorable you say to a character has had consequences, good or bad.  One of the other amazing features of the game was the absolutely crushing moral choices.  And they... are... crushing.  The game doesn'
t forgive you.  You only have a short time to make a decision, and once you do, there's no turning back.  And whatever you do, there will be implications.  It's not like, "Kill this guy to have everyone hate you and try to murder you whenever is possible, or kill this guy to slightly anger one member of the party for a few seconds until you save his life and he forgives you," like I feel when I have to make moral choices in other games.  In Heavy Rain, I was worrying about how my actions were affecting the story, whereas in The Walking Dead, I was worrying about how my actions were affecting the characters.

I truly cannot wait to play the second season of The Walking Dead.  I want to know who i'm going to meet next, what I'm going to go through.  I also can't wait to see what decisions I'm going to have to make, and then see what happened to everyone else.  That's another great thing about this game.  Your story is your own.  Each person will have different opinions on each character, and part of what I love about playing this game is that once you have, you have a story to share with people.  But I digress.

Telltale have said that The next season of The Walking Dead is set to come out this autumn, and there may be even more of the game before that.  I cannot be happier about that.

9: Rainbow Six Patriots 

This is another one of those games that I really haven't heard much about.  After its announcement it sort of went dark, and I haven't heard much about it yet.  But I'm still excited to play it.  I was a big fan of rainbow six vegas, specifically terrorist hunt mode.  Me and my friends would spend most of our time choosing our gear, each taking a specific role, and then making our way around the map, taking out the terrorists together.  This is probably one of my happiest memories in gaming, and I really hope that this kind of co-operative play with in-depth gear customisation makes a return in patriots.  I also love tactical shooters, so I'm sure I'll be at home with Patriots.  Although I do have a hunch that Rainbow Six: Patriots is going to be delayed.  A lot.  I guess we'll see.

10: Planetary Annihilation

From the moment I heard about this game, I was already
sure I'd be buying it.  I mean, it's a game about building a freaking huge robot army, and then sending that freaking huge robot army to fight other freaking huge robot armies on other planets.  It's battles on a truly massive scale, and you know how I feel about big armies.  Apparently, this game is a spiritual sequel to Total Annihilation, so I guess I'll check that out for the time being.

11: Watch Dogs

My favorite types of games: Strategy games, "The Walking Dead" style adventure games, roleplaying games, and open world games.  Oh, how I love open world games.  I can spend days Galavanting around sandbox pits like Just Cause 2's island of Panau, or even Skyrim's Tamriel.  I love it even more when you are given what could be called a special ability, like Just Cause 2's grappling hook.  Months before that game had even came out, I was dreaming of taping cars together and then flying them over mountains in helicopters.  I'm already getting the same feeling with Watch Dogs.  Seeing the gameplay demos where you could bend the world around you by hacking things gives me goosebumps.  In my head, I'm already hacking ATMS and blowing up lamps.  If that's possible.  Still, I really can't wait to play this game.

This will probably continue on soon, as more games get announced.  I will also probably find a bunch of weird indie games on steam that I'll instantly want to play, so expect this to continue.  Thanks for reading this long first post!